


Second Chances

by TheUnusualShipper



Category: IT (1990), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Boys In Love, Feelings, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 20:44:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21482584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnusualShipper/pseuds/TheUnusualShipper
Summary: The Boys™ Talk About Feelings™
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 3
Kudos: 72





	Second Chances

**Author's Note:**

> Some more 90's Reddie because I'm heavily addicted, no big deal.   
Also, since I cringe at everything I write, there's basically zero beta-ing involved.  
With that being said, enjoy this sugary mess! Or don't. I don't know your life. 💕

Unsurprisingly Eddie had grown up to be… Well, cute. Which was just Richie’s luck, by the way. Why wouldn’t Eddie show up after 27 years with soft blond curls and big doe eyes, looking cuter than ever? Repressed feelings were one hell of a weapon. Just  _ seeing _ the younger man standing there had made Richie’s heart skip a beat.

Maybe there was nothing conventional about how he felt for the younger man, but it was incredibly hard to care the more Richie started remembering his past in that forsaken fucking town. Almost dying at the hands of some sort of primordial evil really helped him put things into perspective.

Other people might have disregarded Richie’s feelings as something to be ashamed of, but as they spent more time together, the older man started remembering why the Losers were so special, so different from everybody else.

Each one of them held a special spot in his heart; they were people he would die for, people who wouldn’t hesitate a moment in risking their lives to save him.

Eddie just so happened to be the one Richie was completely bewitched by. There were things untold between them, at least on Richie’s part, but the right moment never really seemed to come along. Catching up with everyone, surviving the most terrifying dinner of his life and then seeing his friend’s head in the mini-fridge. So many things happened in so little time. All Richie knew was that they were all scared shitless and weren’t exactly in the mood for sitting down and talking.

Even after safely getting to the hotel, they had so many things to talk about; knowing that they would have limited time made it harder for him to find a way he could say what he had in mind without misunderstandings, without having to forego important details. There were so many things Eddie  _ had  _ to know.

  
  


They were all incredibly restless; after spending some time on the couch with Eddie and Richie, Beverly left to go get a glass of water, Bill and Ben trailing behind her like two completely unnecessary bodyguards. Mike had dozed off in a chair nearby, and suddenly they were alone.

For the first time that night, it was just Richie and Eddie, still sitting on the couch next to each other, the blanket covering Richie’s lap while Eddie had basically wrapped himself in the other half, struggling to fit his limbs on there. Richie himself had already given up on trying to keep his feet off the floor.    
  


The silence settled over the two of them, and for the first time, it didn't feel like a comfortable silence, not to the older man. He wondered if Eddie could feel his tension, gears turning wildly as he struggled to find a way to put his thoughts in a straight line.    
  


"Do you still want to do this?"

Eddie was the first to break the silence, although the question was dumb enough to make Richie chuckle under his breath. Neither of them wanted to wake Mike, not after all he'd done, and all the things they still had to do. 

"You know I've been against this plan the whole time, spaghetti man. Still am."

The silence on Eddie's part made it quite easy to understand that he shared the same feelings. None of them wanted to be there, none of them was glad they had been forced into that life. It was especially harder to accept after having forgotten everything, after having successfully erased that  _ fear _ from their minds. The utter terror they'd felt was bound to change a person, and he didn't feel like the same Richie he'd been just a couple of days earlier. This Richie had a lot of things to say and an emotional luggage bigger and heavier than him… But at least he knew he wasn't alone. Eddie felt the same way, they all did. That didn't make the fear go away, but it did make it more bearable.

"But we can't chicken out now, can we?"

They couldn't. It was that easy; it didn't feel like they had a choice, like they would ever be able to leave without having faced their demons first. 

"I suppose not."

The younger man sighed and tried to get himself more comfortable on the couch, only to have both his legs sharply slip off the stupidly tiny couch.

"Just lie down, Eds. If you keep shuffling like that I'm gonna go nuts."

There were a few moments of silence, then Eddie decided to lie down and gingerly lean his head on Richie's thighs. The older man looked away for a few moments, determined to not get caught staring, then leaned both his arms on the backrest.

"Will you ever just call me Eddie?"

He definitely didn't sound annoyed. Like he didn't have the energy to pretend and was just reading lines off a script. It was a feeling Richie could relate to; a few of his jokes that night had been told without a hint of humour in his voice.

What really got him thinking was the fact that the feeling of emptiness had been going on for longer than since he'd come back to Derry. He had been struggling with depression for years, and even he was tired of most of the cheesy fucking jokes he made for a living. He'd always had the sensation that something was wrong, a sensation he hadn't been able to shake off… And now he thought he finally understood why.

Pennywise had really taken everything from them, spoiling the good things they'd managed to build over the years. Like an illness, It had never really left. It had made them forget who they were, what they'd been through, who their  _ real _ friends were. Forgetting had just been another curse in disguise.

"Rich?"

Hearing his name, the man looked down and was met by a huge pair of deep brown eyes who were staring worriedly back at him. He realized he had never answered Eddie's question, which was unusual. Normally no chance of a jab would go wasted. He was just so tired and confused. And… Well, scared shitless.

"Sorry. Zoned out."

Patting Eddie's head and ruffling his hair, Richie watched the curls bob right back into place, fully aware of the fact that his friend was staring at him.

"You know you can talk to us."

That didn't feel quite right. Obviously, he knew that he could count on his friends no matter what, but that wasn't what he wanted. Bringing up repressed feelings required more than just friendly understanding, although he did realize he couldn't make Eddie react however he wanted, much less how he was hoping for.

For all he knew, his old friend could find all of that gross and weird. Except Richie didn't know, he didn't know anything. He couldn't tell what was going on in Eddie's mind and realizing that made him understand that there was only one way to break out of that vicious cycle.

"You know I love you, right?"

Forcing himself to look down, Richie tried not to smile when he saw the soft look in his friend's eyes. As a kid he'd always been secretly pretty feisty -at least with the Losers-, but growing older seemed to have softened him incredibly. There was almost a sadness to each of his looks, even as he smiled and nodded. 

"Of course, Richie. I love you too."

Perhaps he'd miscalculated how easy it was to misunderstand those words. He'd probably known since the beginning and had still picked the easy route, hoping Eddie would fill in all the blanks by himself, without any help.

It clearly hadn't worked, and Richie's head lolled back as he let out a  _ very _ deep sigh.

"Besides my job, I feel like I'm failing at everything in life. I can barely get through an evening without several drinks, relationships never work out… For so long it was just… Why am I even sad? I got where I wanted and I'm still not happy."

Who knew his underlying depression had so many layers. In fact, after having remembered everything it felt like a blessing just being still alive. Perhaps getting his memories erased had helped with that.

"Then when I saw you guys everything felt better. Like it made sense. And seeing you…"

Richie trailed off for a few moments, trying to swallow past the nervous lump on his throat; that was it, there was no backing down now. Eddie had to know where that was heading, and knowing there was no way to take it all back or even just stop talking… It made Richie even more nervous, each muscle in his body jumping and twitching at every sound he heard or movement he felt, senses heightened by the rush of fear.

Somehow the idea of losing his best friend was worse than going back to the sewers… But he couldn't stop now, not after making so much progress.

He was about to start talking again and finally tell the untold, when Eddie tugged at his collar, forcing him to look down before surging up to make their lips crash against each other.

Had it been anyone else it probably would have hurt, he would've noticed his own teeth clashing at the sudden contact, but this was Eddie, so he didn't. Richie didn't register any of that, he simply enjoyed the somehow both chaste and passionate kiss Eddie was giving him. The younger man's lips were warm and soft and hesitant. Each time he tried to prod further he would immediately back out again as if trying to restrain himself. It was absolutely perfect and heavenly.

"Actually guys, aren't you getting hungry?"

Beverly's frantic tone snapped them both out of it; Richie quickly whipped his head around, only to catch a glimpse of the woman pushing Ben and Bill back to the kitchen with all her might, getting them out of there before they could even blink.

Checking out on Mike, they saw he was still asleep for the moment, and only then did Richie realize how tightly Eddie and he were clutching at each other, hiding against that tiny couch like teenagers about to get caught making out by their parents.

It was definitely too soon for that kind of conversation, and Richie would forever be grateful for Beverly's lightning-fast reflexes.

The silence that followed as he looked down at the younger man was all but tense or uncomfortable; in fact, Richie felt more relaxed than he had in ages.

Threading his fingers through Eddie's hair, he pushed his curls out of the way before leaning down to softly kiss the man's forehead. It earned him a light chuckle that sounded just like honey tasted.

"I'm glad you told me."

Richie cocked an eyebrow, half-heartedly glaring at the younger man.

"Actually, I didn't. You interrupted me."

As if that was an actual complaint; if getting interrupted was always like that, Richie was sure he'd talk at least 60% less than he did currently.

"Because  _ you _ were stuck on the same sentence for almost four minutes. I was just saving us both time."

Well, that was awfully cocky. Richie was sure he was getting a glimpse of the old Eddie again. It felt good.

He remembered clearly now; neatly combed hair paired with chubby cheeks and a pout, big fierce eyes staring up at him. A mouthy kid who was always extremely quiet except for when he was with his friends, with Richie. He'd never been afraid to talk back to him.

"Fair point. Still… I mean it."

"I feel the same way."

Eddie blurted it out, almost as if he'd just remembered that technically he hadn't made a confession either. It wasn't a problem to Richie. He didn't have to hear those exact words to be on cloud nine about what had just happened; Eddie had made his feelings pretty clear and at the same time had sealed them with that kiss.

Stealing a glance at Mike to make sure he was still sleeping, he quickly stole another kiss from Eddie's lips, smiling softly at him. They didn't have much time to do anything, but it didn't matter. Having finally admitted to what had been boiling under the surface for quite some time was pleasant enough.

For a moment, Richie felt like the two of them were completely alone, away from the world and everything that had happened and was about to happen to them. There was no impending doom, no friends chatting in the next room, no town turning a blind eye to all the fucked up things it witnessed.

Even if it was just for a split second, getting to forget about everything again, except in the sweetest way this time, it was a blessing.

"You know, I lied before."

"What, when you said you loved me?"

Eddie immediately glared at him. Except it looked lovely and playful.

"Technically, you said it first. And, no. At the restaurant, when I said I was seeing a woman."

To be fair, Richie hadn't even thought about it. That information hadn't really sunk in at the dinner, probably because it was fake. Thinking back on it, Eddie hadn't been too subtle either. It was astounding that Richie hadn't noticed and called him out on it.

"But why?"

It's not like being single was something to be ashamed of. Hell, most of them were.

Still, Eddie seemed to hesitate. Instead of answering him, the younger man simply looked away, his lips thinning as if he was suddenly _ very _ uncomfortable. Which, in turn, made Richie feel terrible.

"Hey, it's fine. We all got secrets."

"I lied because I've never dated anyone. Ever. I just didn't want you guys to think I was still the same loser."

Richie could understand that. Even if by definition he wasn't a loser anymore, he still felt like one. Each day he woke up feeling like the same short-tempered kid who was ready to talk back to some bullies.

He'd done pretty much everything in his power to make the others think that  _ everything _ had changed. Richie was important, he had more women than he could count, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect car. It was all bullshit anyway. And he felt like the others knew as well. Just like everybody else, they all had a tell.

Bev trying to cover her bruised, Ben drinking way too much, Bill staring off into space. Fuck, were they even adults at all?

For a few moments, Richie wondered about that; then he met Eddie's gaze again and all the negativity flew right out of the window. They weren't kids anymore. Back then Richie would have never had the balls to just throw his feelings out there. And Eddie would have done anything but kiss him if he had.

"Well, I just fixed that for you."

He grinned as soon as he heard Eddie's startled chuckle, and his hand quickly found the younger man's hair, which he ruffled mercilessly.

"Stop it!"

Richie let Eddie swat his hands away, though he did linger for a moment; he liked that, the physical contact. It made him feel less scared and alone, like he didn't constantly have to think about the impending doom. It wasn't as if he could do anything to stop it anyway. So why not enjoy that while he still could?

“Let’s go for a walk.”

They really couldn’t hope for privacy while the others were scuttling around like that. Maybe Beverly had bought them some time, but surely not enough. Not to mention the fact that Mike was still there and could open his eyes at any point. As much as he trusted their friends, all of them, Richie didn't feel like either of them were ready to reveal all that. They'd made so much progress in so little time, it felt like more than enough for the moment.

"A walk? Rich, we have nowhere to go."

Ignoring Eddie's protests, Richie grabbed his friend's hand and all but dragged him out of that place; it was true, they couldn't really go anywhere unless they wanted to face Pennywise sooner than they had planned to, but it didn't really matter. All that mattered was getting away from everything, even if just for a couple of minutes. One kiss shared on the couch while simultaneously trying to avoid being seen couldn't be enough.

So they found themselves on the porch, just outside the door. The night air was chilly, it seemed to cut through Richie's skin like a knife. After all that time spent in front of a fireplace, it actually was pretty nice, despite the shivering.

"Great idea. It's not like it's freezing, after all."

The snide remark on Eddie's part got increasingly less convincing as he shuffled closer and closer until he eventually claimed a spot against Richie's side, the older man's arm wrapped around his shoulders. He seemed to fit there perfectly, like he'd been molded in just the right shape for Richie to cuddle him. It was almost embarrassing, until he realized that it was just Eddie. He didn't have to worry about being his occasionally terrible self, because his friends just didn't care. They didn't mind his outbursts, or how awkward he could get, how bad his jokes could be.

"Come on, don't tell me you weren't itching for some time alone with your old pal."

It was startling how promptly Eddie rolled his eyes at him.

"I was. I just missed you. And it's weird, because I couldn't even remember you for so long."

Once again, it was something Richie could completely understand. Feeling like he'd been missing something for pretty much his entire life, it was seeing his friends again that had done the trick. Of course he missed something; knowing what such a powerful connection to someone else meant and felt like, knowing people that would have his back no matter what. Knowing his own past, and the ones who had shared it with him. Despite hating everything that had happened to them, starting from Georgie's death all the way to Stan's, Richie realized that erasing his past had done more harm than good. Pursuing his dream job and his dream life, he had pretty much forgotten everything about real connections with real people who weren't just hogging all his time to get an autograph.

"I'm not gonna lie… I'm pretty upset about forgetting all of you."

And he was, he really was. It just felt like a low blow; their connection had been the only thing that had saved them back then, and It had found a way to sever that bond. To make them all completely useless, puppets that It could control and then take away at convenience.

"Me too. When I saw you again I couldn't believe I hadn't even thought of you for so long. You guys were…"

Eddie shook his head, signaling the end of his sentence: he didn't look upset, but he did look beaten down. He looked like he was feeling every single drop of despair Richie felt whenever he looked around and realized where he was and what was happening.

Leaning over, Richie planted a kiss of Eddie's head, a small smile forming as soft curls tickled his lips. He'd waited so long to be able to do that. Small gestures that could have been meaningless to anyone else, but that meant the world to Richie.

"We're gonna kick Its ass and It will learn not to fuck with us."

Did he really believe that? Not necessarily. But he believed, he  _ knew _ that they  _ had _ to believe it.

"Is that optimism I hear?"

He'd definitely earned that jab. Now that Richie could remember what he'd been like as a kid, it wasn't easy to admit to himself just how scared he was now. Back then, he'd always been ready to throw himself into all sorts of trouble just for the hell of it. Sometimes he did it to piss off some people, other times it was about standing up to bullies instead of letting them beat him down… Most times it was just about wanting to save his friends. Wanting to be there every step of the way to make sure the people he loved most in his life would be okay.

When had he lost the best part of him? Fear had taken over almost completely, drowning out all selfless thoughts. All he wanted was to come out of Derry alive and well, but the more time he spent with the others, the more he realized that there was no way he could ever forgive himself if he bailed on them.

Bill, Bev, Mike, Ben… And Eddie. How could he possibly ever leave Eddie behind? Pretend like nothing wrong would happen and hide like a coward? Richie had to be there for them, for  _ Eddie _ .

"It is. I'm trying it out to see if putting my thoughts out in the universe is actually gonna help."

He was joking, but not entirely. As unlikely as it was, he really did hope that they all would survive that, and doing so made him feel slightly better. Maybe picturing a positive outcome was completely useless, but in that specific moment it allowed him to relax, lean his chin on Eddie's head and enjoy that moment.

He'd been waiting for too long to let it slip past him, and his grip on his friend got a little bit tighter at the thought.

Luckily, Eddie didn't complain. He simply leaned against Richie until they were as close as they could get, their side-hug turning into a proper one, one that didn't feel quite as awkward.

"I think it will."

His friend's voice was soft, muffled by Richie's jacket. In turn, the older man leaned his head down until his forehead rested on Eddie's shoulder.

"I trust you. You know I do."

That sealed a deal in Richie's mind. If there was anything he could do to prevent Eddie from getting hurt, then he would do it.

They were gonna be okay.


End file.
